Monday night mind

Yes this is mum and me and Kate again, just can't get enough of that late 80's bob!

On the drive back from Ballarat my sister Kate and I were talking about people we went to school with and what they were doing with their lives. As you do.

Kate went to an all girls catholic school and a huge proportion of the girls in her year level (who are now 25) are married with babies. Most stayed in Ballarat and did teaching or nursing. Many have had the same boyfriend-now husband since primary school.

I went to an anglican co-ed school on the other side of the lake and we were commonly perceived to be the snobs of Ballarat (completely unwarranted). I am two years younger than Kate but I can only think of one or two kids in my year level who have been married. As far as I know there is only one baby among us all. Sure we're a few years behind but I think this marks a strange trend to the other side of the lake. Many of my school friends are living in Melbourne and are on to their second degree. Some are in long term relationships, some not.

Kate would say she is the odd one out in her year level; working in Melbourne and living by herself, but in my year level she would be the norm.

I need you to understand that I am not saying either trend married/mating or learning/dating is better than the other. In some ways I feel a lot younger than I am, as a student in my fifth year of uni and my second degree. In some ways it may have been better to be on the other side of the lake with a baby and a mortgage, at least that would have been something tangible to show for 6 years. Something to contribute (probably tall reddish haired children),

Am 23 (actually I'm not for another three weeks) but there is only so much share house living, uni going, study allowance getting before another 6 years have gone by. In 6 years I have met Lachie, studied, slept, drank, travelled, studied and have been to yoga. I ask you- what else is there?!?

Am getting (am at) the point of finding uni unfulfilling. It's not useless but I don't feel useful being a law student. I feel a bit like I'm stuck at in high school ROTE learning for exams over and over and over. I know that this too will pass but finding something meaningful in the day to day is harder closer to exams and in this shitty weather. Stuck in a funk.

No one is supposed to study for this long. But then, I guess being in the workforce is pretty much forever and having a bambino is certainly forever. First world problems yes, but problems that feel real to me.

Elevator down

This is grey Melbourne through a large corporate/academic window.

Every lunch time for the next few weeks different firms from across Melbourne will present seminars about why we should work for them. They also conduct mock interviews to prep you for the clerkships interview process. Good bye lunch. The clerkship process is the most dreaded time of the year. Applications begin in the holidays. Exams are in just over one month. This will be my 9th semester of uni assessment. It's getting cold in Melbourne again and people in the law school are starting to fret and it's contagious. Not helpful, and not worth it- but contagious nevertheless. I think the best move for me next year may be exchange. Another year at the same university with the same assessment and the same elevator up and down to the library may just kill me. Which isn't very calm-like.

Public Holiday

I am now that person who takes photos of food. And blogs about it. I spent the day cafe hopping with my admin books.

Many would say Clare, why blog about your silly little day and post meaningless pictures of food? To that I say, good point. I tend to become obsessed with things in short and intense bursts. I learn everything I can about the subject and cram it all in, because I don't know when I will just as suddenly be over said subject. This happened when I quit sugar completely for a month and read for hours about all the dangers of the white poison. Then easter happened.

I became equally obsessed with Mormonism. Have no interest in becoming a Mormon- they're just weirdly fascinating. Now a bit meh. Same with my blog. So fun for a while. Now it is a little challenge to post something, anything everyday. Just some routine, in a good way.

Posting means getting a little break from studying, or watching Modern Family when I should be studying, or thinking about how much I should be studying. As the days roll over I should be doing more studs and less everything else. But I think back to exam prep in previous years and I feel sick with how much effort is required for seemingly so little reward. Supposedly it will all be alright in the end. Just feels a tad like high school when people kept saying "wait until you're in the real world" when we obviously were already. Still feels like I'm not quite there yet. Still studying. Stuck in a study funk. Surely will blow over. Yes?

Blogging v Future Career

Needed this muchly when I woke up this morning.

Had planned last week to trek down to a Geelong football match with Sister and Boy. This is kind of a big deal for me as I don't tend to be very patient with team sports of any kind. I feel like they drag on a bit. A lot. Anyhow, we drove to Geelong for the game as it started off in the most beautiful way.

About fifteen minutes in I was doing admin law readings and it was overcast and showery.

Apparently this was rude of me to not appreciate the talent on the field. 

So I went in search of hot chips. 

Actually, it was a pretty nice way to spend Sunday afternoon.

As far as these things go.

Probably won't ever be as dedicated as this little guy though.

NOW 

Just a quick word about blogging. 

I am currently a bit unsure about the whole thing. On the plus side it is a good way to make me appreciate the nice things about my days. I now look for small beautiful snippets to blog home about. Turns out- they're everywhere. Who knew! 

On the down side I'm not certain that "as a law student" it is very appropriate to be a Blogger. We are supposed to be impartial creatures acting without prejudice or opinion. We are advised to have our social networking sites locked. We are cautioned about having any information available about us that may be taken negatively by a potential employer. So now I'm deciding whether posting small bits and bobs about my otherwise insignificant days is of any consequences to future employers. I'm not sure it is. But I could be wrong and this could be the beginning of the end of my future career. And I had such high hopes!

But for now, I think I will keep the blog. I will however, respect the wishes of those who, for their own reasons Do Not Wish to Be Named or photographed on this small site. Friends and significant others will rename unnamed, as no one else asked to be flaunted on the WWW by me.

When I eventually reach the inevitable stage of applying for clerkships (intern-ish placements in law) I may just wipe this from space. Probably a copy of it will exist somewhere in the internet abyss but not to be found with ease. Like all of the photos from my high school computer. 

For the meantime Clinging On to Calm can now be found via google. Genius. As always, feel free to comment on anything at all.

The Hidden Secrets of Success

Well thank god for this. Now I know.

Today we were issued several small booklets created by the law school and designed stop 

STOP DEPRESSION IN IT'S TRACKS. They include tips and tricks of the trade to get you feeling ace about life again.

This year my uni has made a concerted effort to create awareness about the dangers of the stressful life lawyers lead. Pfft I hear you say- with all that money and those corner offices- what's not to love!

Sadly however there have actually been heaps of studies on the high rates of severe depression among lawyers. Its a naturally competitive environment with crazy hours. A lot of firms bill associates and junior lawyers in 6 min blocks which doesn't generally encourage bonding over the water cooler. Of course the content most lawyers are dealing with is also fairly intense and involves working with or against people at their worst point in life. Sign me up!

This lawyers with depression thing seems to start early. There are more and more students seeing psychologists for stress related issues from first year onwards and the drop out rate in law school is fairly high (don't know exact numbers as hard to tell who drops out before the census date).

Anyway, this isn't a rant about showing lawyers of the land some love. Its just another small reason why focussing on things that make me happy and hopefully stress-free is pretty important with this ye old profession I seem to have chosen.

Also have heard job hunting is fairly heinous so may as well find peace with being a student for ever.

http://www.theaustralian.com.au/business/legal-affairs/black-dog-gnaws-at-profession/story-e6frg97x-1111117523222

Say No to Instagram

Today Melbourne looks like this. In April! Without Instagram!

Do you even remember what real colour looks like?

So facebook bought instagram for one billion dollars and everyone had a field day with that titbit. I think the instagram backlash has been creeping up for a while. People making sneaky snarky comments about how anyone can make anything look awesome and indie cool with instagram etc. But all of the instagram photos look the same. They must.

I'm not against instagram really. I have it on my phone but have never made the effort to set it up. I'm good like that.

But what gets me is that sometimes what you are looking at is actually pretty good already. Do we need snazzy-jazzy camera effects to make life look any better? Apparently we do and it is worth one billion to get it happening. 

Don DeLilo wrote a book called White Noise that I studied in my arts undergard days and something in it stayed with me.

When characters Murray and Jack travel to see The Most Photographed Barn in America, Murray stands and watches everyone taking photos. Thousands of photos. Then they leave.

"No one sees the barn" Murray says.

"We're not here to capture an image, we're here to maintain one. Every photograph reinforces the aura...being here is a kind of spiritual surrender. We only see what others see....we've agreed to be a part of a collective perception. It literally colours our vision. 

A religious experince in a way, like all tourism"

 

I think instagram creates this collective perspective of how life should look when we're having fun or having a moment or whatever. Instragram literally colours our vision. Instagram blurs the actual colours and create a false nostalgic image based on photographs styled on the 70s. I'm guessing most people who use instagram were not around in the 70s so for them, this is their 70s photo moment. Which is pretty strange if you think about it.

Sometimes, maybe say no to instagram and take a photo anyway. With all the instagram fans out there it might almost look retro agin.

Blogging for calm

An experiment in procrastination 

This year is my second year of law in Melbourne and I have slowly but surely come to the realisation that if I don't do anything but law, I may just die. As a course the JD is all consuming, amazing, exhausting, exhilarating and everything in between. However, I cannot go on like last year- as a mad woman constantly rushing against the clock to get to class, home, work, yoga, work and bed. I just don't have enough energy to be rushing all about.

So, this year I have made some small changes. Nothing major. I am still a law student but I am now learning to breath and smile and enjoy my classes without the mad rush. It's not worth it and it doesn't get me better grades or relationships or anything.

Small changes include mostly quitting sugar (still have fruit and easter goods) taking up running again, spending more time in Wye River (pictured) and in just generally in places that force me to feel calm.

Something about going back to the beach and seeing nothing but water or bush is just oh so soothing. Through this little page I am hoping to blog it up about ways to feel calm and rush-free. Even when i'm back at uni and not in my easter-break-uni-free state of mind- even in SWOTVAC. Perhaps maybe.